I am tired. My heart is exhausted. I am pursuing relationships with people. I am putting so much in, but I am not getting anything back. Not even something as simple as a response to a text message.
If someone who I truly cared about was having a hard time and expressed their need to talk to me, I would drop what I was doing and talk to them. I would never ignore the text message (or whatever it may be) because it came at an inconvenient time. NEVER. I value the people in my life. I would do anything in my power for them.
But... as I am beginning to realize, I don't hold the same place in their lives. Either they are just too busy to pursue a friendship with me, or they just don't find me that important. It is heartbreaking. It is exhausting.
I've cried myself to sleep talking to God about this for the past two nights. I am fairly positive that I am now dehydrated. My eyes are puffy. And not only does my heart hurt, but my head hurts as well.
God is my strength. I trust Him. He is enough for me. He also created me to be a human being. As humans, we are built for community. We grow stronger in our relationship with God through community. Through the people who you choose to "do life" with.
But what happens when those people talk the talk but can't seem to put forth the walk to back up the talk? What happens when people say how much you mean to them, how important you are, how they would do anything for you... and when you need them the most, they are nowhere to be found? What happens then?
I have no more energy to pursue. So I have come to the conclusion that is these people really want me to be a part of their life, they will work for me. Because I am God's girl, and I am worth it.
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